Lots of things on my mind...

Well, these past few days and even longer than that have been rough. I would much rather blog about something else, but I just felt like I needed to share this and get this off of my mind before I moved on.

This past Thursday, we had to say goodbye for now to our dear pastor, Brother Joe. He found out around September that he had cancer in several places in his body. As soon as he found out he started treatments and ended up on the Hallelujah Diet (google it if you're not familiar with it). Over time and with MANY prayers for healing it was pretty clear that the Lord was not going to heal Brother Joe on this earth.

That's a hard thing to come to grips with. I know that I serve a God that is The Great Physician and can choose to heal someone when every doctor on the planet says it can't be done. I KNOW that, yet it is still hard at times to understand why He wouldn't do it. However, God is sovereign. God is in control. God is good. I truly know this and believe this.

After losing my mom to breast cancer 5 1/2 years ago, me 4 1/2 months pregnant and one week before my wedding, I still believe that God is good. After watching my pastor, my husbands boss and good friend, my girls' "adopted" grandfather suffer and die of the same horrible disease, I STILL believe that. Why, you ask? Because the Bible says,

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28".

As I read through what I just typed out, it's a still a little hard to chew on. I am human. There is no way for me to ever understand why there are children starving to death in third world countries or why my friend is having to (and willingly) care for her mother-in-law with Alzheimer's or why my best friend lost both of her parents (causes of death were unrelated) within months of each other when she was 10. Y'all would probably think I was crazy if I said I understood why these things happen.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heartand lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6

What I am learning is that we don't really have to understand everything, though. That is not our job. That is God's job. He created everything and He has a purpose for everything. I trust Him. I believe Him. I know that from that before I was conceived He knew me. He knew the hardships I was going to face and He knows the hardships that are yet to come in my life. In the grand scheme of things, God has an ultimate plan for my life, whether I understand it or not.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

Jeremiah 1:5

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

The older I get, the more God teaches me about Himself, about myself, and how this world is not my home. Like I said earlier, God created me, so therefore wouldn't He know what was best for me? I hear you asking, "How could _________ be what's best for me/them?". I've asked it too. Believe me. I STILL ask it because first of all, I'm not God and second of all, I still struggle with my flesh. What I am realizing, though, is that maybe some things are not meant for us to understand on this side of Heaven. Maybe we were created to glorify God and serve Him in every way that we possibly can.

For this is what the LORD says—he who created the heavens, he is God; he who fashioned and made the earth, he founded it; he did not create it to be empty, but formed it to be inhabited—he says: “I am the LORD, and there is no other."

Isaiah 45:18

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

1 Peter 2:9

I think if I live my life in a way that honors Him and I put my faith in Him, then ULTIMATELY life will be heartache, pain, and confusion free. I have hope and even if I face even more trials, which I know I will, one day I will be with Jesus. It won't matter anymore that my mom and people I loved died from cancer or that I didn't understand all the horrible things that happened in this world. The only thing that will matter is if I honored God with my life and strived to please Him. (Sounds like something Brother Joe once said!) If I didn't, then that's when I would really need to worry.

But now, this is what the LORD says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth— everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”

Isaiah 43:1-7