Lots of things on my mind...

Well, these past few days and even longer than that have been rough. I would much rather blog about something else, but I just felt like I needed to share this and get this off of my mind before I moved on.

This past Thursday, we had to say goodbye for now to our dear pastor, Brother Joe. He found out around September that he had cancer in several places in his body. As soon as he found out he started treatments and ended up on the Hallelujah Diet (google it if you're not familiar with it). Over time and with MANY prayers for healing it was pretty clear that the Lord was not going to heal Brother Joe on this earth.

That's a hard thing to come to grips with. I know that I serve a God that is The Great Physician and can choose to heal someone when every doctor on the planet says it can't be done. I KNOW that, yet it is still hard at times to understand why He wouldn't do it. However, God is sovereign. God is in control. God is good. I truly know this and believe this.

After losing my mom to breast cancer 5 1/2 years ago, me 4 1/2 months pregnant and one week before my wedding, I still believe that God is good. After watching my pastor, my husbands boss and good friend, my girls' "adopted" grandfather suffer and die of the same horrible disease, I STILL believe that. Why, you ask? Because the Bible says,

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28".

As I read through what I just typed out, it's a still a little hard to chew on. I am human. There is no way for me to ever understand why there are children starving to death in third world countries or why my friend is having to (and willingly) care for her mother-in-law with Alzheimer's or why my best friend lost both of her parents (causes of death were unrelated) within months of each other when she was 10. Y'all would probably think I was crazy if I said I understood why these things happen.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heartand lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6

What I am learning is that we don't really have to understand everything, though. That is not our job. That is God's job. He created everything and He has a purpose for everything. I trust Him. I believe Him. I know that from that before I was conceived He knew me. He knew the hardships I was going to face and He knows the hardships that are yet to come in my life. In the grand scheme of things, God has an ultimate plan for my life, whether I understand it or not.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

Jeremiah 1:5

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

The older I get, the more God teaches me about Himself, about myself, and how this world is not my home. Like I said earlier, God created me, so therefore wouldn't He know what was best for me? I hear you asking, "How could _________ be what's best for me/them?". I've asked it too. Believe me. I STILL ask it because first of all, I'm not God and second of all, I still struggle with my flesh. What I am realizing, though, is that maybe some things are not meant for us to understand on this side of Heaven. Maybe we were created to glorify God and serve Him in every way that we possibly can.

For this is what the LORD says—he who created the heavens, he is God; he who fashioned and made the earth, he founded it; he did not create it to be empty, but formed it to be inhabited—he says: “I am the LORD, and there is no other."

Isaiah 45:18

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

1 Peter 2:9

I think if I live my life in a way that honors Him and I put my faith in Him, then ULTIMATELY life will be heartache, pain, and confusion free. I have hope and even if I face even more trials, which I know I will, one day I will be with Jesus. It won't matter anymore that my mom and people I loved died from cancer or that I didn't understand all the horrible things that happened in this world. The only thing that will matter is if I honored God with my life and strived to please Him. (Sounds like something Brother Joe once said!) If I didn't, then that's when I would really need to worry.

But now, this is what the LORD says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth— everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”

Isaiah 43:1-7

Happy 5th Birthday, Emmy!

I am happy to say that I have almost finished the birthday recaps! Yay! I am pretty proud of myself. Again, I am keeping this for just my own personal family journal, so if ya don't want to read all about it, just look at the pictures of my sweet family! :-) (Or of course you can just read this blog whenever I have some more interesting posts for you!)

Ok...I know I've already said.."I can't believe Addy is 2!" and "I can't believe Lucy is here and 9 months!", but SERIOUSLY. HOW IN THE WORLD IS EMMY FIVE?!?!?!?! That has to be impossible since I just had her, you know, YESTERDAY! Why does time have to go by so fast?

We really enjoyed celebrating Emmy's birthday this year! It was very laid back and I think I've decided that that's what we'll do from now on. We always want to make our children feel special, but I am just learning that you don't have to spend a lot of money or invite the whole world to make them feel that way! I'd say Emmy felt very loved at her party and that's what's most important!

I have to admit that we did encourage Emmy to have her birthday at Chick-fil-a. We know the owner of the particular one we always go to, almost all of the managers, and several of the employees. Not to mention that we all love the food there! It just made sense! (I also kinda liked that idea that I wouldn't have to clean my house! ha!) I also need to add that they were SO sweet and hospitable! Honestly, I would expect nothing less there. We <3 C-F-A!

Emmy's party was a Tinkerbell theme this year. Instead of buying invitations, she decided that she wanted to make them! I am SO sad that I didn't take a picture of them all before we sent them. Such is life. She pretty much always draws fairies, princesses, rainbows, or butterflies these days, so I knew she would do a great job. That she did!

We met several of our family members and a few of her cute friends for her little party! We started off by playing in the indoor playground until everyone got there. We then had a dinner of none other than chicken nuggets and fries. The girls were all surprised by the Chick-fil-a cow during dinner! I loved how all of them reacted! Emmy felt SO special.

After dinner, we served Tinkerbell cupcakes and then opened presents. We try not to emphasize presents and for the past 2 birthday's I have actually suggested to not worry about presents. EVERYONE brought her one and for that we are so thankful. Emmy is one blessed little girl! After she opened all of her presents, with a nudge from Mommy, she went around and thanked everyone for her presents and for coming to her party. She didn't need much prompting because she is naturally sweet and polite. I'm proud of my girl! The rest of the night was just spent playing and saying goodbye! All in all, it was a perfect party and she has already informed me that she wants it there again next year!

Like Addy, Emmy's birthday fell on a Sunday, as well, this year. We went to church, but ended up taking her to her favorite restaurant, Ichiban-a Japanese steakhouse. We had so much fun! Our lunch was yummy and Emmy even got a special fruit dessert at the end. She asked about it for weeks before her party, so we made sure to get one. Even though we didn't do a whole lot on her actual birthday, I KNOW she had a great day!

The cupcake and presents table

 The birthday girl!

Emmy's little friends B & L (L's little sister, E, came too! Somehow I managed to not get any pictures of her!)

 Baby Kennedy was only 2 weeks old!

 Tim got stuck at the girls table. :-) I think he has just decided to embrace this role since he has 3 daughters!

I could NOT get Zachary to smile for a picture! Silly boy!

Addy got to come, too, of course!

She was THRILLED!

Present time!

 Emmy thanking everyone!

 All of her wonderful gifts! (The Jessie doll in the background had already been opened!)

 Mommy and Emmy at Ichiban

 Tim and Addy at Ichiban

 Lucy! I guess I was in the middle of feeding her when I took this!

 Her birthday fruit!

 She was very excited!

 Happy birthday to me!

Emmy's 4th birthday!

Emmy's 5th birthday!

Emmy Kathryn,

We love you so much, Baby Girl! So much happened this year! To be honest, in a lot of ways it was a hard year because you are very independent and strong willed (which are NOT always bad things!). We are trying to learn how to balance the positive qualities of those characteristics and try to guide you through the negative ones. 

You became a big sister again this year and I must say that you are amazing at that. You have learned so much and are now starting to read, can do simple mathematics (i.e. 6-1=5, 2+2=4), can write all of your letters & family members names, and you can draw very well and stay in the lines when you color! I am excited to see if the Lord is gonna do some work in you this year. Just today (1/23/10) you told me you wanted to get baptized. I know you have a little ways to go, but I thought that was neat! You also pray every single day that your whole family will trust Jesus as their Savior. I love it!

There is SO much more to you, precious thing! I am humbled at the way God has used you to teach me so many things about myself and my relationship with Him. You have the sweetest spirit and are so smart! Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you and are so thankful that your sisters have you to set an example for them. Happy birthday!

Addy is 2!

Back in August, we celebrated Addy's 2nd birthday for pretty much 3 days. By the way, how in the world is she already now 2 1/2? It blows my mind how fast the time goes!



 Addy's birthday celebration started out on a Friday night. Addy really loves Dora or you know, "Dowa di Expwower", as she would say, so we ended up having a Mexican Fiesta! I got grilled chicken from a local Mexican restaurant and had a taco bar with chips, queso, guacamole, salsa, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, etc. It was yummy! We had a great time and had all of the family and a few close friends over to celebrate.

Addy was so sweet and cute at her party. She acted like she loved every minute of it and especially loved opening her presents. When she opened one present she raised her eyebrows and said, "Oh my goodness!" We all thought that was hysterical.



After eating cupcakes and opening presents, several of us went to the back yard to play water games. We had a little water table that my aunt let me borrow, a sprinkler, and a baby pool. It worked out perfectly and kept the few little ones happy for an hour or two!

On Saturday, we decided to do Addy's "special day" like we do with every one of our children's birthday around or on their birthday. We ended up taking her to Panera Bread where she could get a PB & J, one of her favorites, and then to a big indoor playground about 15 minutes from our house. We had a blast! I so enjoy the fun times like that with just our little family. Precious memories.

Her actual birthday fell on a Sunday. Obviously, Sunday's are very busy for us, so we didn't get to do much. I did make some blueberry muffins for Addy's little class in the nursery at church. We sang "Happy Birthday" and to my surprise, the nursery workers has gotten her a birthday gift. They gave her an Aqua Doodle. We already had one that was similar, but now that we have two there is less fighting! Yay!

After our celebration in the nursery, I ran up to the church service and was surprised to see my dad and step-mom! They had come to surprise Addy. We ended up being treated to lunch at Longhorn! Yummy! It was a great way to wrap up Addy's birthday weekend! Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures of our lunch with them :(.

Addy is such a precious, smart child! I am so thankful that God blessed our family with her. Addy's big blue eyes will melt your heart, her silly personality will keep you laughing, and her vocabulary of probably a 4 year old impresses us all!

Happy (now late) birthday, sweet, sweet Addy! You are so loved!

p.s. This was her last year at her 1st birthday!



My Little Ballerina

For Emmy's 5th birthday this year, her Grandmommy and Poppy's gift was for her to have ballet lessons. She started lessons yesterday. She is taking them at a local church and it is called Worship Through Dance. They talk about the Lord, listen to Christian music, and talk about how even dancing (tasteful dancing, obviously) can be an act of worship!

Emmy has been wanting to take ballet for a long time, so her dream has come true! She was SO excited that she was about to burst on the way to her lesson yesterday! When she got there, we barely got through the door before she was stripping off her sweatsuit to be in just her leotard, tights, and to put on her ballet slippers!

The parents are asked to wait outside the room to ensure that the little girls will pay attention. I understand this completely, but am a little sad that I can't really see her. However. there are little windows in the door and every glimpse that I got of her made me so proud! She was following directions and looked like a perfect ballerina. It was the cutest thing ever! When we got home she was able to show me a Pirouette and a Curtsy.

In a few weeks they will have an "Open House" to where the parents can come and observe what the girls are doing. I will take some pictures of her actually dancing then! Enjoy!

Leaving for her lesson. She looks so big right now!

 About to go into her lesson. Is she not the cutest ballerina ever?!?! (Hey Gabs, you're the cutest ballerina ever, too!!! There can be 2, right? :-])

Running out of her lesson to tell me all about it!

Happy BIRTHday, Lucy (& me)!

This is a recap of April 22, 2010 which is the story of Lucy's birth. Since I had a blog then and didn't write about this big event, I feel like I should go back and document it. Here goes.

Having a baby is such an exciting time! Sometimes I just wanna keep having babies as long as I can just because of all the wonderful things you get to experience because of it. Since that's not realistic, I think we'll probably have one more and be done after that. ANYWAY...

Getting ready for and having Lucy was so exciting! The pregnancy went by SO fast, that when I got to full-term, I couldn't believe it! It wasn't a super easy pregnancy because I had a lot of sciatic nerve pain and chasing around a 4 and 1 year old was difficult. However, it seemed quick despite the pain and for that I am thankful!

A couple weeks before Lucy's birthday, my midwife and I discussed my feelings on another induction. I was induced with Emmy and Addy, so she wanted to know if that was something I wanted to do with that pregnancy. I would love to have an exciting, spur of the moment birth experience, but that just wasn't sounding too fun considering it was my third baby, so things could go much fast than the other time and I would need to find childcare for the big girls quick if that happened! Another "con" to waiting until I went into labor was the fact that I have bigger babies. Emmy was 8lbs 13oz and Addy was 8lbs 1 oz.

That day we looked at the calendar and my midwife swept her finger across the whole week after I hit 39 weeks. I looked at her and said, "Well, my birthday is on the 22nd. Could we induce then?" She smiled and said probably. We ended up waiting until the following appointment to schedule it.

12 AM was the time we were to arrive at the hospital to begin the induction. I wasn't really that nervous about having her. I was honestly more nervous about making sure I had a vaginal birth and about what it was gonna be like when we got home and had 3 young children to care for.

The night nurses who got me all hooked up were so sweet! They just wanted to make me feel comfortable and were there any time I needed them. I barely slept a wink, so I just got on Facebook off and on, watched the TV, and just laid there thinking about what the next several hours would hold.

At around 5 or 6 am, I got a new nurse and she was absolutely precious. (I actually saw her when my BFF had her baby a month ago and gave her a hug for being so sweet back in April!) My midwife got there probably around 10 AM, and was ready to sit with me until our baby girl was born. (Yep...my midwife has sat with me through each labor and delivery of all 3 daughters. She rarely left my side and if she did it was just for a few minutes.)

When I was around 5 cm, she suggested we break my water. I had not yet had an epidural and was a little on the fence about it, but when I started feeling those sharp cramps and remembering what it felt like the previous 2 labors, I decided to ask for the epidural BEFORE she broke my water. Best decision ever!

The next few hours consisted of me eating popsicles, me and Tim talking, me playing on FB, calling and checking on the big girls at home, and just hanging out. It was almost like a date except I was wearing an ugly hospital gown, with an iv stuck in my arm, and random people were popping in every so often to do a pelvic exam. LOL (Sorry, I know that's TMI. Oh well. It is what it is!)

During the wait, I asked my midwife, Donna, if the new midwife in the practice was going to come for the birth. She asked if I would like her to and I didn't mind. Then she asked if she could deliver the baby. I was hesitant, but since Donna promised to stay by my side, I ended up agreeing. (I didn't realize that since another midwife was delivery the baby, Donna was going to be our photographer! Several of these were taken by her!)

Within an hour or 2 I felt pressure and sure enough, it was time to push! Everyone got all ready and within a minute or 2 (Yes, I pushed maybe twice!) Lucy Charlotte was born! She was a whopping 9.1 oz! We couldn't believe it! I was so relieved that we decided to induce. If I had gone another week or two, we could have ended up with a 10 lb baby! Happy Birthday to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Believe it or not, Lucy was not named until 30 minutes or an hour after she was born. We just couldn't make up our minds...Here's the story real quick.

From the beginning of my pregnancy, we had been leaning towards the name Molly. We never really had a middle name, but still thought her name would be Molly. When I was around 34 weeks, we were at Chick-fil-a in the playground area and heard another mommy calling for her daughter, Caroline. I looked at Tim and said, "I love the name Caroline!" At that point, we decided on Molly Caroline. A few days later, I talked to a friend about the name situation. Since we still weren't 100% sure, I just mentioned what we were thinking about. She looked at me and said, "I love the name Lucy! My friend just had a baby and named her Lucy Charlotte!" Little did she know, Tim had wanted to name our baby Charlotte and call her "Lotty", from about halfway through the pregnancy. I was not a fan. The name I liked all along, however, was Lucy, but TIM was not a fan of that name! When he got home that night, I looked at him and said, "Lucy Charlotte". He looked at me and said, "DEAL!" I wouldn't say that at that moment that was definitely her name, but we were both really liking it! Anyway, since we were still up in the air, Molly Caroline was still in the running. A few days before I had Lucy, a friend of mine brought over some baby name books. I thought that would help us a little! I prayed before I opened them and asked the Lord to tell me what my baby's name was supposed to be. I looked at Molly, Reese (which was a possiblity for a middle name for Molly), Lucy, and then I looked at the name Charlotte. The definition was something like "another name for Caroline". It gave me chills. To some of you that might sound silly, but to me-that was my answer! I immediately texted Tim and he was on board. We still wanted to keep Molly Caroline an option, but we were totally leaning toward Lucy Charlotte. When she was born-we just knew that was her name!

Anyway, by the time we got all cleaned up, Hannah and the girls had made it to the hospital. They got to watch Lucy have her first bath. They weren't too sure about their baby sister screaming her head off because another person was messing with her, but by the time they brought her to our room, they were fine. They were SO happy to see me and their new sister. Addy was a little confused, but when she warmed up, she just wanted to love and kiss on her sister. Emmy seemed SO big! She was now an experienced big sister and was a great example for Addy! Such precious moments!

By the way, we didn't have family and friends waiting at the hospital while I was in labor and delivery. We decided after we had Emmy that we felt more comfortable with it just being us while I went through that. I am a pretty modest person and I also just wanted Tim and I to have some time with our new baby before everyone else got there. I do not regret my decision at all and actually recommend it to all of my friends who have babies! Giving birth is a very personal and intimate thing. I know that the family/close friends are excited and want to meet the new baby, but I also think it's very important to give the new parents some space and only come if they are invited or the new parents know about it and have said ok before hand (that goes for when people come and visit you at the hospital, too.) I guess you didn't know you were gonna get a lesson on Proper etiquette when a loved one gives birth!

Anyway, many of our family members and my best friend Jessica all showed up a few hours after Lucy was born. It was such a special time! My dad and step-mom brought me and Tim take-out from our favorite restaurant, Carraba's. We enjoyed our food while everyone enjoyed our baby! Another thing I have to mention is that I asked if we could make an announcement while my family and my BFF were in the room. Jessica was pregnant! (More on that later) After we celebrated birthdays and babies, we politely told everyone that it was time to leave. I gave my sweet big girls hugs and kisses and they went on their way, too!

April 22, 2010, is a birthday I will NEVER forget! We had a wonderful experience. I am so thankful for God's provision that day and every time I've given birth, for that matter!